We are all not just beneficiaries but also stakeholders of much of the infrastructure of the country we live in because earlier generations have built it up. But it is not true for communities or assets that have developed over time with the work of many people. This is valid for personal possessions or small activities that were created by one person. There is a tendency for a controlling person to believe they own what they control (and ownership implies being able to do anything one wants without accountability). (Of course taking action frequently draws retaliation.) Individuals who try to change a situation by expressing rather than acting are at a disadvantage when they are up against power and control. It does not care what the other is expressing. The power and control point of view only cares what the 'other' or the target is doing or will do. The connection between power and control in a culture and in a relationship within that culture has often been drawn. He is tortured by his own expectations and intolerance of surprise. The primary aggressor still has the same safe options that he had before. But this sensation of being controlled is very different from the fact of being controlled. This is because the disquieting effects of a partner’s independent actions trigger coercive responses that are in the primary aggressor’s repertoire but not in their self image. Powerlessness early in life tends to produce a later undue interest in power, sometimes in ‘power to’ but most commonly in 'power over'.Ī strong interest in achieving power and control in a relationship, ironically, can produce in a primary aggressor, the ‘feeling’ of being controlled. Having one’s ‘power to’ make choices overruled by another person’s ‘power over’ leads to an experience of powerlessness. If the survivor resists or tries to disregard the control, the situation will escalate rapidly. This type of control is always malignant, and will quickly grow to be constant. Becomes power over,' This is the definitional element of abuse. Taking it to the next level, and controlling people, however. Desire for control at this level is maladaptive but not abusive. Surely this imposes some inconvenience or friction on other people, but largely, other people can avoid such situations, assert their self-determination, or detach. Insecurity tends to make some people try to control situations and outcomes. Intimate partners always desire to influence each other.
Influence is the ability to affect how others perceive and manage their options. But as the abilities of children increase, good nurture requires that power over them be relinquished steadily and be replaced by influence.
When 'power over' passes a threshold, it is reasonable speak of “control” Parents have control over small children. Police have limited power over civilians, for instance. It is naive to think that a civil society can run without any power over. 'Power over' refers to the ability to limit the options of others. ‘ Power to’ refers to the ability of a person to change the circumstances of his or her life by creating and exercising options. In the social world, power is a concept with two very different meanings-'power to' and 'power over.'.